The Finale of Bastard out of Carolina

In the novel Bastard out of Carolina Bones comes to a realization, a realization of just who she was and who she might become. Bone has always had trouble defining just who exactly she was, you could tell by the questions she would ask her own self. Some such as “do I really hate her, did I deserve this, could he really love me, am I really a Boatwright.” The climax of the story seemed to be where bone and Glen had their fall-out, the part where Bone’s mother walks in and see them two on the floor. Rather the climax might just be when Annie takes Glen into her arms and hold him like a baby while her emotionally distressed daughter is sitting in the passenger seat nearly on her death bed pleading for dear life. This had to change the readers view of Annie forever, for what mother in their right mind would ever sit there hug and hold their daughters molester, someone who took their daughter most prized possession her life could ever offer, her innocence. What mother would not feel the need to kill a inhuman person such as Glen, no mother that isn’t desperate for I suppose. This day was sure to change Bone forever, not only was Bone pleading for her mother in the car, but she was pleading when her mother was nowhere to be found at the hospital. Bone, no matter how much her mother seemed to love Glen more, always cried for her, for her attention, her love, her security that she no longer had, or never had I suppose. Bone, changed from a girl of ignorance, to a woman of hatred. She has learned many things: she learned she can’t help but become a woman of the Boatwright name, she learned that no matter how hard she tried she could never seem to have the love she always wanted a love that only a mother can provide, she learned that she stronger now, not physically but rather mentally. She’s no longer a naïve girl but more of an understanding woman.  

My final thoughts on this whole story is, even after all of this, what really was the significance of coming to Bone with her birth certificate, what was she actually trying to get across the readers mind. I for one am slighty confused on every aspect of that. It seems like one moment I can understand, but then just by reading past events, who was still caring about the certificate. Maybe she was mentally saying you’re not a bastard, here is proof of it. I can’t quite put my thought on it.

bone vs…

Ruth Anne, anney, annie, how ever her last name is suppose to be spelled due to her aunts lack of education is a young girl who within her self is going through many conflicts.

 

How can one not being asked to be born in to such a family be looked at as trash. Ruth is a girl that has been dealing with acceptance her whole entire life. From out the womb she was labeled, a big red mark of being born without knowing her father, in what we today call a bastard child. She was born into a trash of a family as what they would call it back then. A family with little to no money.

 

Ruth and her stepfather. What a conflict there. A conflict that has only gotten worse. This man, this old boy, is one of Ruths greatest conflicts. For someone who claims he loves her so, he beats and molests her. She doesn’t feel safe around in his presence, but why should she. For someone who is suppose to be a protector a father figure she never had, he’s a monster she could have never dreamed of.

 

Ruth seems to be at a conflict with herself, not knowing who she really is, not knowing what she really wants, shes fighting with trying to understand her existence. Through out this novel you find Ruth asking herself questions, but not getting any answers. Such as recently asking herself does she hate her pastors wife. Out of hate or jealously she just  couldn’t figure it out. More earlier in the story Ruth actually becomes friends with “the worlds most ugliest child”, what is she, or was she trying to get out it. A feeling of loving another less fortunate than her????

Ruth also fighting to find something she needs, love is what it seems to be. She goes to church to feel this feeling of being loved and accepted, she likes when she go in front of everyone and feel a rush, a rush that she hasn’t experienced before. A rush of love is what I like to call it. But this rush of being loved and being accepted… could it possibly signify a man vs. society conflict rather than man vs. man?

free write 2

Closed my eyes and pictured myself laying in a wide grassy field, just me. I could feel the grass tickling my bare feet as it swayed to the beat of the wind. The blue sky with the sun in the far distance was beautiful and peaceful, the vibrant heat warming my face as I smiled. I looked over to my right and saw a path that looked to be walked but few people. I traveled this unknown path. As I walked I stumbled across a field of big tall beautiful trees filled with blue jays, red robins, humming birds, and others that seem to sing a song I loved but never heard. I came across to an opening to a meadow hill. As I peeked around I saw a big old spaghetti tree, one of my favorites. The shade looked cool as I needed to rest from taking such a walk. I felt as if the branches of the tree where staring at me, wanting to tell me something but what. A big breeze of wind came by, the leave and branches of the tree seemed to be lifting me up and pushing me to go further. I didn’t want to leave this peaceful tree, what if there is nothing else out there better than this. The tree kept pushing me as if it knew it was okay for me to go on. Continuing my journey I stumbled across a path of jagged rocks, this can’t be what the tree had in mind, I kept going hoping for a relief. A door here in the openness of nature? Not possible. But you can always expect what things you never thought of. As I opened it a big ray of a white flash blinded my eyes, as if I being brought in a place that I thought of as Heaven. I closed the door behind me, only to be surrounded by more. Im pondering, anxious to figure out what could these doors offer me. My curiosity got the best of me. I opened the one that seemed to be calling my fingers.

My personal meditation in class

My personal meditation I found it hard to keep my breathing at a steady slow tempo. Whenever I didn’t tell myself to breath in slow, hold, and breath out, I found myself breathing fast as if I was in a hurry, or worried.

I personal like to meditate, except I like to do it sitting with my legs crossed and my back against the wall in complete silence and darkness with only the moon as my light.

I felt the coldness of my breathing, it felt so relaxing.

The one thing I tried but couldn’t quit do was taking my problems and make that bubble pop to let it go. It had my mind wondering further; therefore I just completely stopped thinking about the issue all together.

The meditation itself was ok, especially to be as short as it was, made me want to go home and try to do it for a longer period, that’s if I can get the time and actually fall asleep… or is that ok… seems to me that would be a great peaceful sleep.

Meditation (What i think & What is)

 

When I think of meditation…

I think of being relaxed

I think about opening my mind to my surroundings: what can I hear that I usual don’t hear, what do I feel that I usual don’t feel, etc.

I think about trying to connect myself to nature itself, I try to feel as if I’m the grass moving with the sway of the wind, or that rain drop that hit the window.

I try to smell, I try to smell the air and fill my lungs with “clean and freshness” of outside

When I think of meditation I try to relax my mind, free all that is bothering me, I try to release the bad thoughts, I sometimes picture gathering everything up and throwing it out my left ear, its gone now.

I try to get back in tune with myself, not with what society view me as, but with whom I truly know I am.

Meditation is a relaxing way to bring Feng Shui or balance back into my life.

It’s a way to relieve the stress this world is known to put on us creatures.

When I think of meditation I think about creativity.

I think of balance.

Meditation is…

Meditation is a way to put balance back into your life. Simple.

I believe this only because when watching a monk, or anyone in particular, meditate they’re not just sitting somewhere with closed eyes, they’re actually balanced: may it be on a pole, the edge of a table, on one foot, or crossing legs on the edge of a 20story building watching the sunrise, they are still balanced.

Meditation is the balance of the fire (bad) and water (good) in your life.

Meditation is releasing…

You’re releasing the bad, bringing in the good.

You’re releasing fear and concerns of the world, bringing in a fresh new mind.

Bastard Out of Carolina (Free Write)

Bastard out of Carolina, the title and the cover itself already caught my attention. A picture of a small child looking to the ground as if she is shameful of who she is. The author Dorothy didn’t hesitate to tell us in the first couple of pages why the child looked as so.

This book was almost impossible to put down if it wasn’t for the heaviness of my eyes that started to blur my vision. Each chapter had me wanting to read more and more just to see what the big mystery was, or what could possibly be forecasted due to all this dark imagery.

The use of words that helped the reader foreshadow a bad event was perfect. Such as Glen and Anney getting married on a “dark cloud windy day.” As the reader of the book I could almost feel the wind on my skin as I unconsciously shivered. I felt like an older person who could always feel trouble just by the ache of their bones. This feeling had me itching to see what could possibly be the trouble that will up rise.

Dorothy really captures how men can really have a bit too much pride; she also captures how what can seem as a beautiful flower turns out to truly be just a deadly weed. Glen. He himself was a prideful deadly weed disguised as a lonesome flower. I thought, how could someone, at the beginning of the book, be portrayed as this strong gentleman who will come and sweep Anney right off her well over-worked feet. A man who at first seemed like he would be the protagonist of the book, actually be a part of the reason why little Ruth Anne (Anney’s daughter and the little girl on the cover) looks so shameful of who she is. Glen. Every chapter I read about him does he only get worse. I’m actually itching to see just how bad this man can get and who, if any, will control or stop him.

This book you can never quiet grasp it, as soon as you think you know ever one, as soon as you think the worse is over, another  challenge up rises… but isn’t that what keeps us interested?